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Journal Entry: November 20, 2014

● That’s the thing. You never get used to it so easily. The idea of someone you loved so much being gone. Just when you thought it’s accepted, you’ll find yourself wide awake at 3 am and all the memories come back to you. That hurting.
I miss you, Perry. Life is not the same without you.

● My favorite question is my life’s saddest question now.
Why?
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● I’ve always known that love is the place I always come back to, no matter where I’m heading. And I still always come back to Perry, even if it’s only in thoughts and memories now. And I feel like the strength of my longing would be enough to make him come back to life. To me.

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Perry’s 3rd Birthday, November 15, 2014

RIP Perry (my Siamese Cat), November 15, 2011 – November 18, 2014

Normally when I get my heart broken (and there are many ways and reasons hearts break) I just let go easily and bury myself with work or other activities with friends, but this time it’s different. It’s like time stopped and I’m held frozen. I feel so terrible. I feel so unforgiving. I don’t know what else to say, but I sincerely prayed you stay, Perry.

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It’s true that when someone you love dies, it doesn’t feel real. I’ll miss you forever, Perry. You’re my love, and that will always be so.

RIP Perry
November 15, 2011 – November 18, 2014

A Prayer For Her Birthday (My dearest friend, Jan Monique)

On your 25th birthday, I prayed for you.

I pray that you appreciate everything lovely and good that happens in your life right now. This is just the beginning of a much more beautiful life and may it give you a perspective to look forward to what’s ahead. May you be blessed with the ability to live in the present with an eye toward eternity.

I pray that when times are good, your Godly wisdom will remind you that as good as it is, this isn’t the biggest prize.

I pray that when times are tough, you’ll draw hope, strength, and courage from the fact that it is only temporary.

I pray that, more than any extravagance in this world, you’ll be much more excited to be with our Savior. May you wait in faith, hope, and love till that day.

God is good. You’re blessed beyond words. :)

Prayer Poem (No. 18)

Thank You for reminding me of a broken heart’s beauty
You faithfully say, “Even at your worst, you are loved”
There’s no one else I could anchor my hope to save me
On ground zero, You gave me a glimpse of heavens above
Down on my knees I empty myself in humility
“You’ll be my life’s most important” I humbly say
Come fill me with gladness that comes with Your glory
Let Your unfailing love be the guide that lights my way

On Changes, Commuting, and Getting a Car (Journal Entry: October 21, 2014)

When I was younger, I thought that the things the older people do were hard.

Then I got a little older and things changed. So I thought that the things the older people do were rather easy.

Then I got a little older still and I realized that my finality has been consciously modified. Yes, things change, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change back either.

Most of the things I do now I used to perceive as hard during childhood. My (and my sister’s also, I strongly believe) top concern then was learning and mastering the process of commuting to and from school (college) and work, subsequently.

I thank my parents on this area for allowing and encouraging us siblings to do commuting on our own. We learned and mastered going places without our dad as our devoted driver. In fact, we’re all confident that we’re way better in commuting now than him.

But realization came in adulthood. I realized that commuting gets hard, too. Nowadays, due to numerous crowd of commuters anywhere and everywhere, people tend to wish for their own car, myself included. That’s another hard thing for me. (But hey, nothing is too hard and impossible with God!)

You see, as a child I’ve perceived things as hard. I grew up a little, learned a little, and I thought things were rather easy. Then I grew older and witnessed the bigger stage of real life which brought me back to my childish perception of how hard things are.

The point is that things change but we learn along. We adapt and then we react, consequently. I thought commuting was hard until I learned it and finally took its toll on me which in turn made me research, pray, and wait for the car that best suits me and my needs. Who knows? God might soon and finally accomplish it for me.

My “Shakespearean Insults” thingy take. A poem.

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And so I found this while browsing my Facebook newsfeed. The next thing I know I have already constructed a poem with these words. I sooo love this! :)
*This ought to be a love poem. The insults has turned it nonsense. But it’s a good read, anyway. At least for me. Haha!

Enjoy! And, uhmmm, British accent please.

Things a plenty I tend to forget
Whenever I am with thee
I say thou spongy, milk-livered mammet
With such insult can thee forgive me?

From thy grip I can’t let go
I wish I could take thee home
I say thou pribbling, knotty-pated minnow
With such insult will I be left alone?

The days I grasp with thee are better
No way I’ll ask for more
Thou paunchy, pox-marked lewdster
Such insult for thee will score

Thy feelings seem like a twisted knot
But they flow freely when with thee
I say thou puking, rump-fed pignut
Is thy answer that brings reverie

Thy heart’s coldness has turned warm
Such change is brought by thee
Thou mewling, ill-nurtured malt-worm
Has allowed thy soul be set free

With no gravity I’d still fall, I tell
Thy feelings for thee won’t go away
Thou reeky, motley-minded measle
Is key for thy sweet thoughts at bay

I dug deep and emotions came out
Thy presence stirs them way better
I call thou spleeny, pottle-deep lout
An insult as thick as a genuine leather

Sweet days anew before us came by
Thy feelings are afloat with thee
Thou roguish, rough-hewn maggot-pie
Are someone I wish to love for free

I Long For None But You

As I walk alone tonight
I think of everything you made right
I witness a warm embrace
And I long to see your face
There are fingers entwined
And you’re first to come to mind
A sweet song plays along
And to you I sing my song
When I think of a love that’s true
I long for none but you

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