…I like being with you alone. Always with you alone. Because yes it could be hard around people. And sometimes I feel uneasy, but most of the time you know that my honesty can’t be contained. I like it when you ask about my love for you. Just please don’t ask me why or how for I’ll not know where to start. I just have to look at you. That’s your cue. Just ask me, “Do you love me?” And I’ll answer joyfully, “Yes, surely yes! I love you.”
I know that real love will eventually come to life and I have to hold out and be hopeful and strong until then. I haven’t been searching. No, I’m certainly not. I’ve been praying and waiting. Yes, faithfully praying and waiting. There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.
● That’s the thing. You never get used to it so easily. The idea of someone you loved so much being gone. Just when you thought it’s accepted, you’ll find yourself wide awake at 3 am and all the memories come back to you. That hurting.
I miss you, Perry. Life is not the same without you.
● I’ve always known that love is the place I always come back to, no matter where I’m heading. And I still always come back to Perry, even if it’s only in thoughts and memories now. And I feel like the strength of my longing would be enough to make him come back to life. To me.
Normally when I get my heart broken (and there are many ways and reasons hearts break) I just let go easily and bury myself with work or other activities with friends, but this time it’s different. It’s like time stopped and I’m held frozen. I feel so terrible. I feel so unforgiving. I don’t know what else to say, but I sincerely prayed you stay, Perry.
It’s true that when someone you love dies, it doesn’t feel real. I’ll miss you forever, Perry. You’re my love, and that will always be so.
November 15, 2011 – November 18, 2014
On your 25th birthday, I prayed for you.
I pray that you appreciate everything lovely and good that happens in your life right now. This is just the beginning of a much more beautiful life and may it give you a perspective to look forward to what’s ahead. May you be blessed with the ability to live in the present with an eye toward eternity.
I pray that when times are good, your Godly wisdom will remind you that as good as it is, this isn’t the biggest prize.
I pray that when times are tough, you’ll draw hope, strength, and courage from the fact that it is only temporary.
I pray that, more than any extravagance in this world, you’ll be much more excited to be with our Savior. May you wait in faith, hope, and love till that day.
God is good. You’re blessed beyond words. :)
Thank You for reminding me of a broken heart’s beauty
You faithfully say, “Even at your worst, you are loved”
There’s no one else I could anchor my hope to save me
On ground zero, You gave me a glimpse of heavens above
Down on my knees I empty myself in humility
“You’ll be my life’s most important” I humbly say
Come fill me with gladness that comes with Your glory
Let Your unfailing love be the guide that lights my way
When I was younger, I thought that the things the older people do were hard.
Then I got a little older and things changed. So I thought that the things the older people do were rather easy.
Then I got a little older still and I realized that my finality has been consciously modified. Yes, things change, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change back either.
Most of the things I do now I used to perceive as hard during childhood. My (and my sister’s also, I strongly believe) top concern then was learning and mastering the process of commuting to and from school (college) and work, subsequently.
I thank my parents on this area for allowing and encouraging us siblings to do commuting on our own. We learned and mastered going places without our dad as our devoted driver. In fact, we’re all confident that we’re way better in commuting now than him.
But realization came in adulthood. I realized that commuting gets hard, too. Nowadays, due to numerous crowd of commuters anywhere and everywhere, people tend to wish for their own car, myself included. That’s another hard thing for me. (But hey, nothing is too hard and impossible with God!)
You see, as a child I’ve perceived things as hard. I grew up a little, learned a little, and I thought things were rather easy. Then I grew older and witnessed the bigger stage of real life which brought me back to my childish perception of how hard things are.
The point is that things change but we learn along. We adapt and then we react, consequently. I thought commuting was hard until I learned it and finally took its toll on me which in turn made me research, pray, and wait for the car that best suits me and my needs. Who knows? God might soon and finally accomplish it for me.