Journal Entry, March 25, 2018

Declutter Sunday.

I found my (*somewhat) journal dated 2013 & 2014.

Interesting that I kind of kept my own dictionary.

Here are some of my (*favorite) words…

ADHD abbrev./n.
attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder
Me.

alive, adj.
Sometimes i breathe you in and i know you know.

attribute, trans. verb
You give me the kind of thoughts and feelings poets write poems about.

ambivalent, adj.
When you hold me i just adfjhskcytfdph…

belief, n.
We serve the same God.

contentment, n.
We see each other. And that is enough. For today.

challenge, n.
You make it kinda hard for me not to stare.

chicken, adj.
It’s like i want you to know. But i don’t want to tell you.

contrary, n.
Your mixed signals and my thousand second thoughts.

delusion, n.
Sometimes i laugh so hard on my own that those around me think that i used to wear straightjackets.

euphoric, adj.
I can’t explain how good it feels to just look across a room and find you standing there.

forsake, trans. verb
Late night texting. You fell asleep. I fall apart.

hands down, adv.
You make my day without even trying.

jaded, adj.
One night i texted you about how tired i am of working.
You cared enough to send a reply.

keep, trans. verb
Don’t lose what God helped you find.

lyric, n.
“Said all i want from you is to see you tomorrow. And every tomorrow…”

longings, n.
One more secret smile. One more shared laugh. One more electric touch.

luck, n.
Sometimes you get things right the first try.

moment, n.
I’m always happy. Some nights i just forget.

music, n.
The way you say my name.

nil, n.
Being alone with you makes my brain quiet. I don’t have to invent a thing.

nerd, adj., n.
I wear glasses at home.

opposite, adj.
You’re so woah; I’m so oh.

rational, adj.
We’re both clever. And clueless.

secrets, n.
There are things worth keeping between yourself and God.

stalk, int. verb
Instagram.

timeless, adj.
Handwritten notes and letters will never go out of style.

uhmmm, n.
My wisdom-filled phrase filler.

uneasy, adj.
You. Make. Me. Nervous.

whole, adj.
You make me feel like so much more than the sum of my parts.

x, n.
I have plenty.

zeal, n.
I said i would love to work in an animal shelter.

Zebra, n.
I see piano. A musical animal.

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Journal Entry, February 4, 2018

“…because speaking for myself, I learned that there’s more to life than owning and driving the car of your dreams (or the car of your budget), building and living in the house of your dreams (or the house you inherited from your folks), eating in glamorous restaurants (or in your comfort fastfood chains), and so on. And life is not meant to be lived for yourself alone, in your own comfort. Life becomes more meaningful when lived with and for others – helping them make their lives count. But you have to start with yourself. Make your own life count first. How? Make other people’s lives better. How?
*Encourage them to be passionate and excellent in their crafts.
*Encourage them to reach higher than they’ve ever thought possible.
*Teach them good habits – being polite and being on time.
*Teach them to be reliable and accountable.
*Inspire them on their careers.
*Inspire them on their relationships with family and friends.
*Make them laugh.
*Make them yearn to be pleasing in God’s eyes.
*Help them discover talents and new skills.
*Help them learn more about God.

When your life counts, the lives of those around you will do the same.”

Journal Entry, January 18, 2018

“Grace comes to us through faith. We cannot expect God’s grace to do its work where manipulation and distrust are present, for these are born out of fear and unbelief which are contrary to faith.

So, are you moving in faith or in fear?
Take some clues…
*Faith releases to God. Fear grasps for control.

*Faith believes that God is sovereign. Fear believes that man can ruin.

*Faith speaks life. Fear gossips.

*Faith looks to Heaven. Fear looks at man.

*Faith says “I know that You are God and I know that You love me. Have Your way.” Fear says, “You’re supposed to be God and You’re supposed to love me. Then why this way?”

It’s about time that you eliminate fear and finally move in faith. Let your faith speak, “Father I know You love me so much that You will heal every part of me that hurts.”

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)”

Journal Entry, January 5, 2018

“At work today I found out that my request for my (worn-out, 9 year old) Trodat’s much needed replacement is rejected. I got angry-pissed at once. All I had in mind was the thought of how stupid and unfair it was to reject such simple yet important request. 

I was witnessed by my colleagues practically growling at the work station as I angrily stated my case to them. I talked mad and even threw stuff (which was unnecessary). Obviously, calmness in the midst of adversities is the one thing that I so thoroughly lack. I thank God for the grace to slowly snap out of it and to realize what an idiot I was being.


Our decisions and actions reveal so much about our values. Sometimes it saddens me to think that mine aren’t so noble at all, no matter how I imagine and declare them to be. If we’re honest, we’ll accept that we don’t really have the best actions all the time. For though we claim to have noble intentions, our irritations or annoyances reveal that we’re much more careless and small-minded than we care to admit.

So today I re-learned 2 things:

1. The world is driven by self-interest so it’s best to challenge myself to be different by delivering values daily; and

2. Calm people are just self-controlled people. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.”

Journal Entry, December 31, 2017

“…God’s love is His free gift to us and it will heal us everywhere we hurt. Instead of dwelling on our pains, we must give them all to God and, in return, witness how He will faithfully restore everything that was lost. We just need to trust and appreciate the many ways He speaks to us. It’s true that our pain has a purpose. Our problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end – the glory of God.

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give Me glory.” (Psalm 50:15 NLT)”

Journal Entry, December 30, 2017

“…I believe that everything happens for a reason, and the Bible supports this saying. I also think that some things are meant to be imperfect. It’s the universe’s way of providing contrast – having a few holes in the road and some twists and turns. It’s how life is. Because if everything’s always smooth and perfect, we’d get too used to that. We’ll end up living and then dying having only done the same, old, not all the time useful routines. We’ve got to have a little bit of disorganization every now and then. Otherwise, we’ll never really enjoy it when things go right. And remember, people will always have an opinion about us, the things we do, and how we handle life. But we live our lives for the Lord – whether it’s a life that’s perfect or imperfect – to please Him, not people.”

Journal Entry, December 29, 2017

Today I declare that I’m strong in the Lord and the power of His might! I am favored, prosperous, healed, and blessed.

■ I am favored not because I insist on having things happen for me however or whenever I want them to. I am favored because I long and pray for God’s will in my life.

■ I am prosperous not because I know and apply all the professional steps in saving for my future. I am prosperous because I aspire to never fail in honoring God with my wealth.

■ I am healed not because I have the best doctors and medicines in the world. I am healed because the Healer that I ever need has already died on the cross for me to give me healing and life everlasting.

■ I am blessed not because I do not suffer, have no pain, and do not lack. I am blessed because my suffering leads to unfailing hope, my pain leads me towards righteousness, and my lack leads to humility.