Journal Entry, March 25, 2018

Declutter Sunday.

I found my (*somewhat) journal dated 2013 & 2014.

Interesting that I kind of kept my own dictionary.

Here are some of my (*favorite) words…

ADHD abbrev./n.
attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder
Me.

alive, adj.
Sometimes i breathe you in and i know you know.

attribute, trans. verb
You give me the kind of thoughts and feelings poets write poems about.

ambivalent, adj.
When you hold me i just adfjhskcytfdph…

belief, n.
We serve the same God.

contentment, n.
We see each other. And that is enough. For today.

challenge, n.
You make it kinda hard for me not to stare.

chicken, adj.
It’s like i want you to know. But i don’t want to tell you.

contrary, n.
Your mixed signals and my thousand second thoughts.

delusion, n.
Sometimes i laugh so hard on my own that those around me think that i used to wear straightjackets.

euphoric, adj.
I can’t explain how good it feels to just look across a room and find you standing there.

forsake, trans. verb
Late night texting. You fell asleep. I fall apart.

hands down, adv.
You make my day without even trying.

jaded, adj.
One night i texted you about how tired i am of working.
You cared enough to send a reply.

keep, trans. verb
Don’t lose what God helped you find.

lyric, n.
“Said all i want from you is to see you tomorrow. And every tomorrow…”

longings, n.
One more secret smile. One more shared laugh. One more electric touch.

luck, n.
Sometimes you get things right the first try.

moment, n.
I’m always happy. Some nights i just forget.

music, n.
The way you say my name.

nil, n.
Being alone with you makes my brain quiet. I don’t have to invent a thing.

nerd, adj., n.
I wear glasses at home.

opposite, adj.
You’re so woah; I’m so oh.

rational, adj.
We’re both clever. And clueless.

secrets, n.
There are things worth keeping between yourself and God.

stalk, int. verb
Instagram.

timeless, adj.
Handwritten notes and letters will never go out of style.

uhmmm, n.
My wisdom-filled phrase filler.

uneasy, adj.
You. Make. Me. Nervous.

whole, adj.
You make me feel like so much more than the sum of my parts.

x, n.
I have plenty.

zeal, n.
I said i would love to work in an animal shelter.

Zebra, n.
I see piano. A musical animal.

Journal Entry, February 4, 2018

“…because speaking for myself, I learned that there’s more to life than owning and driving the car of your dreams (or the car of your budget), building and living in the house of your dreams (or the house you inherited from your folks), eating in glamorous restaurants (or in your comfort fastfood chains), and so on. And life is not meant to be lived for yourself alone, in your own comfort. Life becomes more meaningful when lived with and for others – helping them make their lives count. But you have to start with yourself. Make your own life count first. How? Make other people’s lives better. How?
*Encourage them to be passionate and excellent in their crafts.
*Encourage them to reach higher than they’ve ever thought possible.
*Teach them good habits – being polite and being on time.
*Teach them to be reliable and accountable.
*Inspire them on their careers.
*Inspire them on their relationships with family and friends.
*Make them laugh.
*Make them yearn to be pleasing in God’s eyes.
*Help them discover talents and new skills.
*Help them learn more about God.

When your life counts, the lives of those around you will do the same.”

Journal Entry, January 18, 2018

“Grace comes to us through faith. We cannot expect God’s grace to do its work where manipulation and distrust are present, for these are born out of fear and unbelief which are contrary to faith.

So, are you moving in faith or in fear?
Take some clues…
*Faith releases to God. Fear grasps for control.

*Faith believes that God is sovereign. Fear believes that man can ruin.

*Faith speaks life. Fear gossips.

*Faith looks to Heaven. Fear looks at man.

*Faith says “I know that You are God and I know that You love me. Have Your way.” Fear says, “You’re supposed to be God and You’re supposed to love me. Then why this way?”

It’s about time that you eliminate fear and finally move in faith. Let your faith speak, “Father I know You love me so much that You will heal every part of me that hurts.”

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)”

Journal Entry, December 9, 2017

This day I read my past journals and learned that most of the things that I hoped for and wanted to always remember are the same things that I still hope for and strive to always remember today.

So once more, I hope…

■ that my being teachable and curious make me smart(er);

■ that my being talented and crafty make me (more) amazing;

■ that my being punctual and industrious make me (more) efficient (*at work);

■ that my being sacrificial and kind make me (more) loving;

■ and, that my generosity (richly) bless (more) people in need.

And…

■ May I always remember that it is God who blesses me with all of the wonderful and amazing things in life.

■ May I always remember to be thankful for mercies and little blessings.

■ May I always remember my loved ones’ faces, voices, and affections in each day that we get in touch.

■ May I always remember to honor my parents.

■ May I always remember to always give back to the Lord.

■ May I always remember to pray in all circumstances.

■ May I always remember to forgive and forgive.

■ May I always remember to always love.

Journal Entry, October 14, 2017

Unknown to some, I’m the eldest of the Linsangan siblings. Oh yes, I am.

Now that we’re older, (and hopefully, wiser), I ponder on our childhood days, assess our present, and somehow try to imagine our future in the most exciting sense.

Looking back…

My twin, Kat, was a really bright, honor-student-all-the-way, gentle pretty girl;

Pao, as a kid, was charmingly good at solving Math equations that were thrown at him – most especially during grocery time. He was gifted with a very huge appetite also; and

Kian, a boy with ADHD, managed to stay calm with his fellow fishermen (which is Papa’s age group), and show off his impressive dancing skills as well.

I witness how these gifts have been flourishing in the bigger stage of real life in the present, and I’m ever excited to see more of what they’ll accomplish.

On the other hand, I still don’t know the purpose for why I’m the best-looking, smartest, and most talented of the siblings eversince but hey, some things we can’t understand, we can only enjoy. 😛

Journal Entry, October 13, 2017

Let me share with you facts about my not-so-good day.

Today, October 13, Friday…

□ I found out early in the morning that I lost a huge amount of money (12,000 Php)

□ The goto and tokwa’t baboy that we ordered for breakfast was delivered 1 and a half hours late

□ The work hours were pretty much eventful in a negative way

□ Going home on a payday Friday, I endured a draining 1 hour waiting in line at the terminal and another 1 and a half hours traffic 

I wasn’t pretty much my real self earlier this day. I cried at work, prayed, and slightly hoped that things will get better. And so I was reminded that above all these overwhelming happenings, I have Jesus – the best thing.

On my way home, I sang praises in my head. I poured my heart out in prayer and thanksgiving, and I claimed answers and breakthroughs for everything I went through today. I just know that God listens to His children. And after all, I live a great life.

A great life is not simply one with unlimited..

○ security and provision

(*I lost a huge amount of money),

○ satisfaction

(*we were all really hungry when the goto finally arrived),

○ happiness

(*it’s not always “rainbows and butterflies” when it comes to relationships at the work place), and

○ comfort

(*it’s always most unpleasant enduring tiredness and draining lines and traffic going home).

It is rather a life that is filled with God, for greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.

Prayer Poem No. 30

As the night arrives I’m down on my knees

By my bed it’s to You I had my burdens released

Prove once more that to You I matter

My refreshed faith will make me better

Always guide me to show generosity and kindness

Especially to those unworthy of such goodness

Help me soar high on wings to reach my dreams

For at times I’m incapable of many things

Let my plans and goals be free from bitter tears

May they be fulfilled according to Your promise

For You’re the One I most desire everyday

From Your love and mercy I’ll never stray

Journal Entry, May 21, 2017

​”When you’re in love, you enjoy almost everything and anything with the one you love. It always feels amazing and complete. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how simple your accomplishment is, or how terrible the view, or if the narrative of the movie bores, or if the taste of the dessert sucks. If you’re with the one you love, you always find joy.”

Sing My Name

The rain starts to fall down

The clouds slowly change their hue

This old world still spins around

It knows how much I love you

Cold wind collides with the summer night

The rainy days will linger

Like the hurt that doesn’t feel right

Love will replace it for the better

You can sing my name, it’s alright

Yes, just like a love song

Or let me pick a song tonight

I’ll sing to make your worries be gone

Wake up tomorrow and while it rains

Sing my name with your eyes closed

Worry no more, forget the pain

I’m here now, it’s you I chose

You can sing my name, it’s alright

Make it sound like a love song

Or pick a song for us tonight

To be our lullabye all night long

Holy Week 2017, Healing Prayer Poem No. 7

You’re my Lord, my God, my King

Apart from You I have no good thing

I praise Your counsel and instructions

I’m secured and will not be shaken

You’ve assigned my portion and my cup

Delighted that they’re more than enough

The path of blessed life is with You

And songs of joy I can sing to

In Your refuge, I’m healed and safe

You won’t abandon me to the grave

Eternal pleasures are at Your hand

And hope where my future stands

Holy Week 2017, Healing Prayer Poem No. 6

I exalt You, for You have lifted me up

I called to You for help and I was healed

I sing You praises, hands pointing above

For I was raised and spared from the pit

I may weep tonight but I’ll rejoice tomorrow

I claim that Your favor will embrace me

Your mercy and grace cast away my sorrow

With thanksgiving and joy You’ll clothe me

I stand firm for I know You are my help

Your promises prove Your faithfulness

My heart will sing and not be silent

Only to You I’ll forever give thanks

Holy Week 2017, Healing Prayer Poem No. 4

You bring beautiful unexpected blessings

That grace my ordinary evenings

My heart can’t contain this gladness

As I wait for the coming of Your best

My mind and soul collide and agree

I believe Your healing has come to me

I have faith that You love me this great

A love so vast that no scenery can paint